Movie Review - Spring Break Shark Attack

I'm a sucker for a shark movie. It is one of my personal vices. I'm working through it. And, it normally comes back to bite me on a fairly regular basis. I'm expecting Jaws and I get Shark Attack 3: Megaladon.

So, I get Spring Break Shark Attack from my Blockbuster account. I'll be honest, I'm not expecting much. The title leads me to believe I'm looking at a B movie. I have made piece with that. But maybe the movie will have some kind of redeeming quality. I hadn't ever heard of it, but maybe there will be some funny one-liners in it.

Ugh. No, there wasn't.

The movie was a made-for-TV movie that someone made the mistake of putting on a DVD. It had built-in fade outs for commercial breaks. It had sub-par acting (I expected that), but what really disappointed me was there really wasn't much 'shark' in any scene. There was a lot of dorsal fins, there were a lot of 'attacks' (mostly of people being pulled under followed by an erruption of bubbles and red dye), but basically the movie didn't live up to any kind of miniscule hopes I had.

The movie is not rated. That is not because there is any over-the-top nudity or swearing, or even violence. It is basically a movie that you could find on primetime NBC or CBS or ABC. It is not rated, I'm guessing anyway, because it just never got rated.

I normally try not and spoil movies with my movie reviews, I don't really feel that is fair. But for this movie, as you will never see it (I'm begging you...seriously), I'll spoil the one reason why I'm not giving this movie no stars.

At one point towards the end, one of the lead characters is diving underwater and fooling with some electronic gizmo that repels sharks. In the background you see a shark quit circling her, flatten out and begin to accelerate towards her. The shark gets closer and closer, building the slightest bit of tension, but - shockingly enough - the person gets the gizmo to work and the shark immediately peals off and is repelled.

That moment right there, earns this movie a half-star. Like I said, my standards aren't exactly high for a movie like this. I'm willing to forgive quite a bit if there is some kind of redeeming value...anything...

In closing, I'm stupid. I watched Spring Break Shark Attack. Don't be stupid. Don't see this movie.